What? A Boy? No Way!

**Disclaimer: All names have been changed to protect the “innocent.”**

I was getting ready for church Sunday morning when I got a text from my friend Bill.

Awkward question…how does The Bug feel about boys? Luke (from church) seems to like The Bug and and made her a gift (a necklace). His parents said he could only give it to her as a friend.  How does that make you feel? Other than totally freaked out.

Of course, my first question was “Who is Luke?!?!”  I never heard of this kid before.  I finally realized that his father, Larry, heads up the department my friend Bill volunteers in.  OK.  I’ve got the family down, but I had no idea they had kids, much less one who may one day try to woo my little girl away.  Not cool.

The Bug started calling EVERYONE her boyfriend or girlfriend months ago.  My wife cautioned me not to make a big deal about it because it would only encourage her to do it more.  So, I just explain to people, “You are a boy and you are her friend.”  That seems to appease them, but you do see some strange looks.  Well, this Luke thing jump started our “this is what it really means to have a boyfriend” talk with The Bug.  (She’s only 7, people!!!!!)

My wife explained to me that a boy gave her a necklace when she was in 2nd grade.  She remembers the boy’s name and still has the necklace.  It’s all sweet and innocent at this point.   So, I acquiesced.  Luke could give her the necklace, but that doesn’t mean I need to have to like it.

Fast forward to church time…

I saw Larry and (I presume) Luke walking to Kids Club, and us dads gave each other that knowing look and chuckle.  You know.  One eyebrow up, an upward nod of the head, and a snort. I even got a handclap on the shoulder.  What I should have done was gotten down in that little boy’s face and gave him the most wicked teacher look known to mankind, but I was in church. I needed some measure of decorum.  Some dad bonding was more appropriate.  (I do need to tell you that Luke was looking sharp! He even had a snazzy little fedora and was dressed for the occasion.)

All four of us walked down the hall together and Luke was crushed when he realized The Bug was going to a different room than was our normal Sunday morning activity.  He didn’t know what to do and was like a lost puppy.  So, I called The Bug back into the hallway.  (I’m a guy.  I get it.  You get your hopes up and when the plan goes south, there is no Plan B. So you make up Plan B on the spot and do dumb things, making a fool out of yourself. I decided to help the poor kid.) When The Bug magically appeared in the hallway, Luke disappeared into his room and threw his “gift in an envelope” to his dad.  His dad, being a good dad, made him come and give it to her himself.  Luke quickly handed the envelope to The Bug, then ran away as fast as possible.

The Bug was clueless.

She pulled a necklace out and, with a shrug, handed it to me.  “Here.  You can hold it.”

Larry and I were trying not to bust a gut laughing.  It was hilarious!  Finally, The Bug thanked Luke and went into her room.  Luke, face saved, went to his room, and life went back to normal.

We made The Bug try on the necklace on the way home and pose for a picture, but she hasn’t worn it since.  “I’m keeping it in my room for decoration.”


Good girl!  Stay innocent for a few more years.  20 or 30 would be great.

Pro Tips:

  • Hide your daughter under a rock till she’s 25.  No school. No church. No nothing.
  • Always make sure your daughter’s suitors wear a fedora. If they are going to chase after your precious one, they should look good doing it.
  • It’s OK to laugh.  It’s better if your opposing dad also thinks it’s funny. After all, you probably both need an ally at this time.
  • It’s never too early to model what a good man looks like. While true dating is still ages away, you are the example she is looking to.  Be the man you want her to date.  Treat your wife and your kids with nothing but love and devotion.

Tell me your great “this is happening a decade too soon” stories!


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